She came out of nowhere - just suddenly appeared. I heard her first; her clothing cracking against the air as she came at me, and then I saw her, just for a split second, in my peripheral vision. She moved so quickly that she was already upon me by the time I thought to react. She clobbered me violently around the mid section, winding me, and her wrist recoiled with the impact and struck me on the chin. We met the pavement together, her handbag a firework of cosmetics that rained down over the zebra crossing.
As she pinned me down on the tarmac, I felt a nosebleed slide over my cheek. This was not a good start to the day.
I tried to wriggle free from under the woman, when I noticed a second one, approximately 100 yards away, also hurtling straight towards me. This one had both arms and legs stretched out before her and was painfully dragging her calves along the ground due to her low clearance.
Then I heard a thud to my right. Three women were pressed hard against the inside of a hairdressers shop window, their cheeks and palms flat pale discs upon the glass.
Until today I'd never really considered the magnetic properties of women, but as it's just taken me forty five minutes to pass through the ticket barriers at the train station due to the piles and piles of females I had to climb over, I thought I'd pay it some mind.
It seems the caption on today's Truffle Shuffle donation from Iain isn't just a hollow marketing sleight. The Ford Escort XR3i really is a chick magnet; even a deregistered print of one on a T-shirt does the trick. Every attractive woman I've passed since leaving the house this morning has gravitated towards the graphic with terminal velocity. It's as if the unorthodox order I prepared breakfast this morning had inadvertently triggered the Grand Theft Auto 'lady's man' cheat.
Like the previous Truffle Shuffle designs Iain's been kind enough to donate to my THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE challenge, this one is suitably comedic and retro in aesthetic. Though the lairy colours and layers upon layers of young women are beginning to turn heads.
See more from Truffle Shuffle via their Twitter account.
