I just drank a delicious beer poured from an ice-cold glass bottle, rather than a heavily diluted one from a tepid paper cup.
Once I finished it, I threw it casually into the recycling box we have in the kitchen, rather than forcefully at the head of an ignorant teenage girl who's ill-fitting denim micro-shorts ensured her rear end was on display for the whole world to see, while she straddled the shoulders of her UV-paint smothered boyfriend to obscure the view of the stage for everyone behind them.
And when I come to pass said beer out of my system later, I plan to do so in the safety and comfort of my private bathroom, rather than within a metallic torture closet lined with a variety of bodily lubricants, with only a murky foul-smelling abyss for company.
Indeed, my
Reading Festival adventure is over and normal service has been resumed.
With the closure of the festivities comes the conclusion of my special
Festival Threesome edition of my
THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE challenge; three days of purpose-donated T-shirt wearing broadcast live across my
Facebook and
Twitter accounts. My
THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE challenge has never gone off-road from the conventional blog format before, but owing to the inherent complications of composing T-shirt posts whilst moshing in a circle pit, the social media outlets were these best channels of communication available to me. Now that I am back in the luxury of my rain-free home, I've showered, I've fed, and I can summarise the
Festival Threesome more coherently here:
Day 235
On day one of the festival I awoke from my tremendously patchy slumber and pulled on the first of my three
Festival Threesome T-shirts - this fine
Monster Threads garment featuring a night time woodland scene. Drawn entirely from vector art, the illustration is composed of very simple bulbous forms creating a tiered landscape of trees, clouds and rolling hills. The only deviation from the teal/blue colour combination comes from the creatures dotted around the image; a fox strolls towards a mushroom while an owl sits overhead.
Looked upon by tens of thousands of eyeballs, this tee seemed to strike more of a chord with the ladies, receiving lingering glances and general approval. Feedback on the Twitter stream was also quite high for this T-shirt.
Thanks to Magda for the donation!
Day 236
The second tee to feature as part of the
Festival Threesome was a somewhat crude
Cuckoo's Nest design donated by online retailer
Stand-Out.net. The full-canvas image shows a downward perspective photograph of a notepad resting on a sandy beach with the text "Free Sex" scrawled on it and an arrow drawn beneath pointing toward a rudimentary genital receptacle dug into the sand.
As well as copious wry smiles from revellers throughout the day, this T-shirt also attracted the attention of a middle-aged female steward who possibly misunderstood its message. Whilst inspecting my gate-entry wristband for authenticity, she clasped hold of my hand whilst reading the T-shirt aloud and began to lead me towards the security portacabin, so I could presumably not charge her for some intercourse. I was terrified.
Thanks to Roger for the donation!
Day 237
The final T-shirt to make up the complete
Festival Threesome was this out-right controversial donation from
Yes No Maybe. I shamelessly wore this tee on the last day of Reading Festival and was met with an equal dose of admiration and dismay. The women folk around the campsite and staging arena were appalled to their very core, shooting me the sort of looks I'd expect to receive had I actively invited them to partake in the activity outlined on the tee.
On the other hand, the design was an absolute hit with the lads, collecting everything from approving smiles to raucous laughter, to blokes actually running up to me and congratulating me on doing such a fine job getting dressed this morning.
Thanks to Ben for the donation!
Thanks again to all three donators of the special edition
Festival Threesome – I really appreciate that not only have you helped cross three more days off the
THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE challenge calendar, but you've also made them tremendously memorable to both me and the hundreds of thousands of festival goers I encountered this bank holiday weekend.
Don't forget to check out the online stores of
Monster Threads,
Stand-Out.net and
Yes No Maybe
