I'll just give you another moment to register the absolute absurdity of today's THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE challenge T-shirt.
Got it?
Ok, now let me attempt to cut through the layers of surrealism at play here and offer you an explanation of its meaning.
Nope, can't do it. Nothing about this makes any sense. It's incredibly abstract and to be perfectly honest with you, that is the sole motive behind its purchase.
If you're not already a fan of online satirical news blog The Daily Mash, I suggest you head to their website the instant you finish reading this post and have a nose through some of their send-ups of the world's current affairs. Their articles are riddled with hilariously vulgar one-liners which, when taken out of context, make for cracking T-shirt slogans.
One day last year I was browsing The Daily Mash online shop, when a design of bright yellow and white text on a dark blue canvas caught my attention. Enlarging the thumbnail, I was greeted with the caption you see above - a sentence fragment that reads as if extracted from the transcript of a drunk's inner monologue.
I read the four simple words over and over.
I tried to picture these curtains.
I tried to imagine what the news story would have been about to require such a metaphor.
I tried to resist being entranced by how foolish and juvenile this product was, but the email receipt that appeared in my inbox moments later suggested I'd failed.
And now I have to wear it all day for my trip around Bournemouth...
