Day 270

Oh dear.
Well actually, Ohh Deer.
But still, oh dear.

I've just seen the first T-shirt I'm to wear now that my residence is once again my home in London, and I'm nervous. It bears an illustrated design by Gemma Correll available from Ohh Deer and donated to my THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE T-shirt challenge by Mark from the online retailer. The trouble is, it's a who's who of typically terrible souvenirs one tends to buy when they're high on sunshine and holiday booze; the kind of awful tat churned out by soulless 'local' manufacturers and then sold in each and every one of the 700 tourist-magnet outlets between your hotel and your airport.

So here goes; I'm going to rattle through the checklist and see if my suitcase has accumulated any of the offending items over the past week:

1) 'Stupid hat' - Thankfully I look stupid in a hat regardless of the hat's stupidity. Moreover, I'm not actually stupid, so there's no way I'd part with cash on a holiday to buy one.

2) 'Undrinkable Alcoholic Beverage' - Ha! Not a chance. One whole week at a 5-Star all-inclusive resort meant that any and all alcohol within arm's reach was drunk immediately.

3) 'Local Handicrafts (made in China)' - Despite seeing only slight variants of the same six items repeated a million times throughout what was essentially variants of the same shop repeated a further million times, I did not feel drumming up 20 euros for any of them was worth my while.

4) 'Ironic Kitsch' - See point 3.

5) 'Regrettable Tattoo' - Well, I went in to my holiday with one of those so it hardly seemed sense to come out with another.

6) 'Some Kind Of Rash' - True, after the third day of sizzling like bacon on a lilo in the pool, I did develop a bit of a heat rash, but that didn't seem to make it with me back to England - I possibly lost it somewhere amid the chaos that is Rhodes airport.

7) 'Questionable Local Delicacies' - Ah, erm. Actually... yes. I did bring back a representative from this category in the form of several packets of biscuits, though to be fair, how much damage can you do with a biscuit? It's not like they're going to file a law suit like this greeting card I designed recently.

8) 'Impulse Bought T-shirt' - Absolutely not! Rule #2 of the THREEHUNDREDANDSIXTEEFIVE T-shirt challenge credo, 'thou shalt not buy T-shirts to reach the 365 goal', impulse or otherwise.

And that concludes the test. On the Ohh Deer scale of holiday souvenir calamity, I've actually not done too badly.

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